Thursday, November 04, 2004
kJ..knOw yR bLog agar shOuld be toKing aBout mE..mM..undErstaNd tAt..kNOw yA meAning..iS juZ tAt bEfore theN..i reAli dUn kNow hOw i fEeling..whAt i thInking..iS jUz the fiRst tiMe aNd aLl i gOt iS sO mEss uP..pEople hab a nOrmal relationship whEre it cUm sMoothly and at least not tat messy as me..even before i went inside the relationship..i reAli dUn kNOw hOw to dO..aNd knOw wAt thE fEeling oF bEing reAli likIng sOmEone..itS juZ aLot oF quEstioNs tAt i wAna asked..bUt simplY.. i cAnt gEt aNy aNSwers.. tat y i aM sO coNfusEd..mAybe u dUn aGree wiF mY thiNking..bUt tHen.. tAt is sTill a dIfference if u haB oNe reLationsHip b4 oR nEver haB oNe..tHere iS sOmething u will leaRn in a reLationsHip..mAybe u will kNow the gaN jue or knOw the difFereniate bA..aT least u will kNow wat shOUld be dOne.. aNd wAt cOUld be dOne..
aDditionally, i Not mUch thiNking oF wAt..fiNding baCk to him aFter wAt i haB doNe..na dE hE cAn wAlk Out..i aSo dun wAn hIm to wAlk baCk..aso..mY inteNtion tO hIm aSo Not at iF i wAn hiM baCk oR wAt.. even sO.. i woNt wAn NOw.. i will tRy to gEt oN wiF my liFe wiF hIm.. tiMe cAn fOrget eVerythIng..foRget thE paIn..evErything..EvEn it tAke yeaRs oR wat.. i haB to dO it.. aNd i deTermIne to dO it..after reAli wAt i sEe..reaD..he nOt the oNly onE dISappointed.. i aSo..mAybe u saE wat lUv thIngy mUst be sElfiSh or wAt.. But i nOw..mAybe nOw.. i sTill haB not leaRn tat oR wat.. aFter all.. thE mOst hurt one in the end is mE..i knOw..bUt reAli.. i trY to maKe both be aS haPpy aS possible..but i knOw iS iMpossiBle.. i reAli dUn mInd gEtting all the hUrtz or wAtever.. bUt thEn.. i aso cant make them haPpy after even the hUrt i bE gEtting..tHis iS not cAll aCting nOble..or wAt..iF u thiNk iS it..iS juZ wAt i aM..
i am iNdecisiVe.. i Know.. But reAli..whEn it cuM to reLationshIp sTuff.. i reAli dUno How to dO thIngz..Tat aRe "RIGHT" .. yaH ..riGht.. wat i dO.. iS wRong to pEople..anD riGht to otHers.. i dUn How to haNdle..aNd heARd pplE aDvice.. aNd wAt i gOt .. iS gEtting mOre wRong to pEople..thaN riGht.. u mAy saE wAT love thINgy .. cAnt liSten to mE..listen to yA heart.. NOt i dUn wAn..iS i dUN kNOw thE dIfferent oF likE or wAt.. i foRgotten aBout the gaN jUe..its bEen sO long..pEople aSk mE to fOrget about hIm..gEt oN wiF life wiF my cUrrent.. But thEn.. sOme aSk me... u rather be wif sOmeone to like you thAn sOmeone u liKe? my aNswer iS be soMeone I LIkE..
mOve oN wiF mY lIfe..iS not tAt haRd..i sUppOse..nEed timE to thiNk..mAybe aFter that..whAt i thiNk the fEeling iS..is aCtually nOt there... i will move on . sorry to kj... everybody out there who are upset or angry wif my actions.. to metta u all whoever are concerned .. thaNkz.. i aM ok and i will be :)
YYY
Memories that fades
5:49 PM